According to Moonalice legend, the tribe revered children of multiple births. Twins are special. Triplets are one and a half times as special. When there are more than three born together, the tribe stops everything and declares a regional holiday on the birthday. In Pennsylvania, the biggest Kahuna of baby holidays is for the Gosselin Sextuplets, who are – you guessed it – triply special. Alexis, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, Leah, and Joel were christened the Hershey Kisses, on account of where they were born on May 10, 2004. This was their day; we’re just lucky to be part of it.

Today is also the 136th anniversary of the nomination of the first woman to run for president. Her name was Victoria Woodhull and she was nothing short of amazing. She made a fortune on Wall Street with her sister, the first women brokers in stock exchange history. Then she dedicated herself to two propositions: women’s suffrage and free love. Those of you who are experienced in the Moonalice Legend can probably tell where this is going. Victoria was not popular with other leaders of the suffrage movement – such as Susan B. Anthony, who apparently had a problem with the free love part – but Vickie was REALLY popular with Moonalice tribe members. Still is. We’re hoping she runs again.

Three members of Tea Leaf Green joined us on stage for the final song of this great east coast tour. We love TLG and look forward to touring with them again soon.

According to Moonalice legend, the tribe had a slang term for anything that is pure in an old school sort of way. They called it, “ornithologically correct”. In the context of hemp, this meant reversing centuries of genetic engineering, working from heirloom seeds, and growing plants that are vintage, if not potent. The term “ornithologically correct” has also been applied to team mascots. The Legend suggests that Mr. Celery and the Philly Phanatic are “ornithologically correct,” while the plush version of the Oriole Bird is, well, you know, a cartoon character.

According to Moonalice legend, the Philadelphia branch of the tribe organized itself as a matriarchy centuries ago. The tribe didn’t know much about biology and nothing about estrogen. They just knew that putting woman in charge meant less war and more hemp production. And so it was until the Revolutionary War, when a bunch of very bright young men took over. From that point on, womenfolk – as well as the entire Moonalice tribe – were on the defensive. A few brave souls in Philadelphia, beginning with Betsy Ross, stood up for the matriarch, but few people listened until the very beginning of the 20th century. That’s when Philly resident Anna Marie Jarvis lobbied successfully for a holiday to honor the matriarchy on the second Sunday in May. She called it Mother’s Day and dedicated it to peace and feminism. The first Mother’s Day was 100 years ago tomorrow. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way Anna Marie’s values were replaced by those of Hallmark. Peace and feminism gave way to cards, chocolates, and roses. We honor Anna Marie as she honored her mom, a Moonalice chief of great repute.

According to Moonalice legend, hemp grown on Manhattan island has unique powers. Apparently it makes you incomprehensibly generous. How else do you explain the Lenape tribe selling the island for $24 in beads or the Dutch trading it for a microscopic island in Indonesia? Such acts of generosity eventually resulted in the tribe’s agricultural clan being displaced and the island going “smokeless”. In the process, New York became the biggest city in the country and the one with the lowest per capita carbon footprint. When the nomadic clan comes to town the locals break out their tribal air freshener, confident that they are not contributing to global warming.

This show will remain forever etched in our memory because it was the first North American performance by Yuto Miyazawa. Yuto is 8 years old. He plays a Randy Rhoades Flying V with black polka dots that is at least six inches taller than he is. But Yuto knows guitars. He played and sang Crossroads. It was unbelievable. If we get a video, we’ll post it somewhere you can find it.

According to Moonalice legend, the tribe’s agricultural clan was often forced to disguise its crop to avoid confrontations with the authorities. As we discovered in Charlotte, tribe members in the Piedmont region went so far as to grow something else: tobacco. But in mid-Atlantic states like Delaware, the tribe stuck with hemp, making subterfuge a necessity, as well as a fine art. We learned more in the 3rd inning of the Wilmington Blue Rocks game, when a mascot like no other ran onto the field: Mr. Celery. We kid you not. A stalk of celery with a goofy grin, green shorts, and green knee socks. The entire ball field could have been full of hemp and you would never have known. All eyes were on Mr. Celery.

In Atlanta, we learned about the Discordians, who believe that chaos is as worthy as order. It went from theoretical to real when we arrived in Wilmington. Across the street from our hotel was the 1st and Central Presbyterian Church. You would think the church must be at 1st and Central, right? And you would be wrong. It’s at 11th and Market. This has to be the work of the Discordians.

The signs point to Moonalice culture valuing confusion more than chaos. The tribe accepts that life is uncertain and recommends enjoying it. If you don’t know how, go to a minor league baseball game.

For the second time, lightning struck twice in a short set.

According to Moonalice legend, the 3rd of May is Trio de Mayo, the Day of Rehearsal for the tribe. Traditionally, it was a practice day for Cinco de Mayo, with a day off in between to recover. This year, May 3 was also Gig Day in Atlanta.

While perusing the closest thing we know to the Encyclopedia Gallactica, we discovered that May 3 is also Discoflux, the fifth holiday of the Discordian calendar. Digging deeper, we learned that since 1958 there has been a Discordian religion, centered on the notion that chaos is as important as order. Wow. How could we not know about this? The Discordians’ key text, the Principia Discordia, begins with the following quote:

If organized religion is the opium of the masses, then disorganized religion smokes the marijuana of the lunatic fringe.

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves. Never has a band felt more welcome at a gig than we did at the Variety Playhouse. We parked the bus in front of the theater. Right across the street was an apartment complex called the Bass Lodge. We hadn’t realized it until now, but any place Moonalice stays in a Bass Lodge.

According to Moonalice legend, Charleston was a major hub of tribal trading in the 18th century, when the American Revolution began. When the British imposed the Tea Act on the colonies in 1773, two towns rebelled. Everyone knows the story of the Boston Tea Party (Moonalice legend 11-1-07), but the story of the Charleston Revolt remains clouded in mystery. As in Boston, the raiding was the work of Moonalice tribe members. Unlike Boston, the product they seized turned out to be hemp, which explains why they “impounded” it, rather than tossing it into the harbor. As usual, history makes much more sense through the lens of the Moonalice legend.

According to Moonalice legend, the ancient tribe struggled to survive in the Piedmont region of North Carolina. Then sometime in the 18th century, they went their own way and contact was lost with other Moonalice families. We learned the full story in Charlotte from local chief Tar Heel Moonalice, matriarch of the tribe in North Carolina. It turns out that the Piedmont climate was unsuitable for hemp farming, but too nice to abandon. And so the local tribe diversified into other crops: tobacco and corn likker. Tobacco lacked the versatility of hemp, but was addictive even for politicians and judges, which helped to keep in legal. According to Chief Tar Heel, tobacco supported the tribe economically while bootlegging provided much needed exercise. The local tribe members raced their product around in cars souped up to outrun tax collectors and police. This eventually led to stock car racing. Which means NASCAR descended from bootlegging, which descended from Moonalice! How cool is that? Of course, the tribe called their product “Moonshine.”

According to Moonalice legend, the tribe fled Boston in the early 19th century. This departure, long unexplained, is notable because Boston had long been a major center for the Moonalice tribe, which played a huge role at the Boston Tea Party (see Moonalice History for Nov 1, 2007) and Bunker Hill. Then they all hit the road, beginning in 1820. No one knew why . . . until now.

The band did some research and discovered a likely explanation for the tribal exodus: the leveling of Beacon Hill. Anyone who has spent time in Boston recently knows that Beacon Hill features a whole lot of expensive real estate, but not much elevation. This was not always the case. There used to be a real hill there, until the city decided to use the dirt of Beacon Hill to fill in the marshes in what is now Haymarket Square. What the city fathers did not realize at the time was that Beacon Hill was way more than a hill. It was a Moonalice burial mound. (For an explanation of Moonalice burial mounds, see the History for April 15, 2008). The Moonmothers of ancient Boston had mighty big bongs, which accounted for the height of the Hill. The tribe was so thoroughly dismayed by the city’s wanton disregard for Moonalice custom that it abandoned the area for nearly 200 years. It turns out that the tribe didn’t stay away because of unresolved emotional issues. Nope. The explanation is much simpler. The tribe sampled so much of its own crop that it just forgot to go back. We hate it when that happens.

So Moonalice (the band) returned to Boston this day for its second visit in four months. It was the last show of a ten-show run with Jack and we celebrated with an extra helping of Howling Monkey. Yowzah! We may never come down!!!

By the way, the National Weather service reports that the odds of an individual being struck by lightning over the course of an 80-year life are 1 in 3,000. The probability of being struck twice in a lifetime is 1 in 9 million. Ignoring the odds, we played two different “Lightning” songs in the same night. Who says music can’t change the world?

According to Moonalice legend, Vermont has magical powers.

Burlington is the biggest city in Vermont and one of the few known habitats of the Moonalice tribe’s nomadic clan. It has always had great music. Now it also produces really good ice cream. And snowboards. And craft beer. And chocolate. And bagels. In short, heaven. Burlington also gave us Orson Bean, Howard Dean, Patrick Leahy, Harry Bliss, and ¾ of Phish. Pretty cool.

April 25 is a big day in history. Our favorite fun facts . . . In 1961, Robert Noyce was granted a patent for the integrated circuit. Eight years earlier – on April 25, 1953 – Watson and Crick published their first paper on DNA.

According to Moonalice legend, Rochester, NY was a major center of Moonalice culture in the years before the white man came. From what we could see, the tribe is still prominent in Rochester. Around the corner from our hotel was Stone Street Café. A few blocks away was a huge sign on an overpass: Welcome to High Falls. We felt right at home.

Rochester is home to some amazing people. Susan B. Anthony was born here. Frederick Douglass lived here. Emma Goldman, Cab Calloway, Philip Seymour Hoffman, John Lithgow, Chuck Mangione, Ol’ Hoss Radbourne, Mitch Miller and Gorilla Monsoon all hail from Rochester. But our favorite Rochester natives are the Fox sisters, Kate, Leah, and Margaret. They were spiritualists in the 19th century. In their presence, people could communicate with the dead. Their séances attracted the best and brightest of the time, including James Fenimore Cooper, Horace Greeley, and William Lloyd Garrison. For 40 years the Fox sisters were a phenomenon. Then they got mad at each other and one of the sisters blew the whistle. They had faked it from the word go. Bummer.

According to Moonalice legend, the city of Troy, New York has long been a bastion of progressive tribal activity. According to Wikipedia, Moonalice tribe members in Troy showed great leadership during Prohibition, becoming a “way station” for the illegal alcohol going to New York City from Canada. Thanks to this infrastructure, Troy was able to diversify, complimenting its speakeasies with brothels to serve western New England. Wikipedia is silent about Troy’s hemp trade in those days, but it’s worth noting that Troy’s high profile ended with World War II, the same time that hemp prohibition took hold in the United States. Coincidence? We think not.

Today is the 26th anniversary of the Conch Republic, an outpost of the Moonalice tribe in the southeast. The Republic is the town formerly known as Key West. The town seceded from the US in 1982 to protest Border Patrol roadblocks – searching for drugs and illegal immigrants – which “greatly inconvenienced” residents. The Conchs declared war, surrendered a minute later, and immediately applied for $1 billion in foreign aid.

In September, 1995, a Public Affairs battalion of the US Army Reserve staged an exercise in the Conch Republic . . . the mission was to capture a foreign island. The Army sent PR guys to invade an island? That sounds serious. It was only an exercise, so the Army forgot to tell the Conchs, who thought they were under attack. Armed with fire boat water cannons and stale Cuban bread, the Conchs defended themselves before counterattacking at Fort Jefferson. The counterattack didn’t work out, but the Republic lives on.

According to Moonalice legend, the tribe celebrated the coming of spring each year with a day of spiritual awakening and hemp products. The highest of high holy days in the Moonalice calendar. In ancient times, the celebration began at dawn on April 20 and lasted as long as the participants could remain standing. In modern times, the 420 celebration typically features live music. In addition, true believers observe daily rituals without music, such as a collective inhaling of breath at 4:20pm.

Look at today’s date. Look at the numbers . . . April 20, 2008. 4-20-08. 04-20-2008. Do you see the patterns? 4x2=8. 4+2+2=8. 4-squared divided by 2=8. There’s some kind of conspiracy at work here. Probably related to the Bermuda Triangle or the disappearance of Judge Crater.

According to Moonalice legend, Manhattan Island has been a major center of tribal activity going back a millennium or two. Of course Moonalice was but one of many tribes that inhabited the New York area, but the records of Moonalice influence are widespread. The conventional translation of manhattan from the Lenape language is “island of many hills,” but the Encyclopedia of New York and Wikipedia suggest a range of more likely alternatives. Our favorite comes from the Munsee dialect of Lenape, where the word manahachtanienk means “place of general inebriation.” This is consistent with the Moonalice translation of manhattan, “place where prodigious amounts of hemp are consumed.” We would also point out that the original European settlers in New York were Dutch. They called the place New Amsterdam, suggesting that they understood the value of hemp. Is it possible that the current Dutch enthusiasm for hemp products originated in the new world, rather than the other way round? Do you really need to ask?

We note that April 19 is Bicycle Day. We’re not making this up. On April 19, 1943, Dr. Albert Hofmann did his first experiment with LSD. He took 250 milligrams, after which he had some difficulty speaking, so he asked his colleague to escort him home on a bicycle. That’s when things got really interesting. Having survived a few hours of terror, Dr. Hofmann began to experience feelings of “good fortune and gratitude.” He started to enjoy the hallucinations. He noticed that sounds had visual manifestations. He hung out for hours, feeling very good about things and eventually fell asleep. While the relationship of Bicycle Day to Moonalice or New York City eludes us, the anecdote explains the enthusiasm in some communities for April 19. But wait! There’s more!!! On this date in 1927, Mae West was sentenced to 10 days in jail for obscenity in a play called, “Sex.” Imagine that. Exactly a year later, the 125th and final installment of the Oxford English Dictionary was published. And this year, Moonalice and Tea Leaf Green played at the Highline.

According to Moonalice legend, the three rivers region of western Pennsylvania has always been a hotbed of Moonalice tribal activity. The evidence has been obscured by the sands of time, but little signs are everywhere. Take the names of the rivers: Allegheny, Monongahela, and Ohio. We consulted our handy Indian-to-Moonalice dictionary and discovered that Allegheny is the Moonalice word for “thank God it’s Friday!” Monongahela means “river where steel workers prefer hemp.” And then there’s the third river, the Ohio. Read between the “o”s. Need we say more? If rivers could have a harmonic convergence, Pittsburgh would have to be it.

People have been fighting over Pittsburgh for centuries, starting with the French and Indian Wars. Who did the English send to settle things down? Colonel George Washington. That’s right, they sent Virginia’s numero uno hemp farmer. Needless to say, ol’ George took care of the problem. History is vague about his methods, but the tribe knows.

Our show in Pittsburgh was at the legendary Mr. Small’s Funhouse, an ex-church that simply reeks of Moonalice tribal activity. We shared the stage with the amazing and wonderful Ekoostik Hookah.

Other acts: Bob Malone opens

According to Moonalice legend, George Washington was the biggest hemp farmer in northern Virginia. Hemp was a strategic crop in those days and high profile farmers like Washington had a very personal relationship with customers. In George’s case, customers signaled their need for supplies by putting up a sign that read, “George Washington slept here.” While hemp’s role in the economy is different today, customers still find that “George Washington slept here” signs are an effective way to indicate a need for re-supply.

Given the size of Washington’s sales territory – it ran from Virginia to Connecticut – several towns emerged as distribution hubs. Sellersville, PA was one of these towns. Some have suggested it may have been the eBay of hemp in the 18th century. We don’t know.

Upon arrival in Sellersville we went in search of evidence of Moonalice presence in the region. Our suspicions immediately fell on the Washington House hotel. It had the customary landmark status and a couple of historical markers out front. But no “George Washington Slept Here.” We found this odd as the hotel’s claim to fame is that Washington really did sleep there. The lack of sign meant one of two things: either the hotel is owned by people who are not yet members of the tribe or they already have all the hemp they need, thanks. We’d like to think it’s the latter.

According to Moonalice legend, the city of Baltimore now occupies the site of the ancient Middle Atlantic Pow-wow of the Moonalice tribe. That pow-wow was known for the prodigious amounts of hemp consumed over the course of a long weekend. Remarkably, one artifact has survived from the period and the city has camouflaged it as a monument to the military/industrial complex of the 19th century. The Phoenix Shot Tower is 215 feet tall and looks like the world’s tallest bong, which is what it was before the locals converted it to the production of cannon balls. What a waste.

April 16 turns out to be the saint’s day for St. Bernadette, the patron saint of Motown. She was also the woman whose hallucinations in 1858 put Lourdes on the map. Could it be a coincidence that exactly 85 years later, on April 16, 1943, Dr. Albert Hofmann discovered the psychedelic effects of LSD? You be the judge. If you’re not sure, just take half.

According to Moonalice legend, the tribe demonstrated a preference for matriarchal leadership somewhere soon after the dawn of time. Within agricultural Moonalice families, it was common to entomb Moonmama in a burial mound with her most prized possession. The mounds were quite tall owing to the fact that for many Moonmamas the prized possession was a ceremonial bong, which had to be buried upright to avoid spilling bong water into the afterlife. We bring this up because Virginia Beach is home to Mount Trashmore, an 800 foot long, 60-foot high mound reportedly built from fill. Given those dimensions, to say nothing of the prominent role of hemp in the history of the commonwealth of Virginia, we did a little investigation. The investigation was successful, but we’re not tellin’. What happens in Virginia Beach, stays in Virginia Beach.

Among the many great people born in Virginia Beach was Grace Sherwood, the witch of Pungo. Fortunately, her name was cleared 300 years ago. Had it not been, we would have done the job ourselves.

If D-minor is the saddest key in music, April 15 has to be the saddest day in America. Not only does everyone feel the bite of tax filing, but history has dropped some really ugly events on April 15. President Lincoln died in 1865. The Titanic sank in 1912. Wikipedia said Jason Alexander died today, so we played the show for him. Turns out Wikipedia was wrong, which is a relief, especially for Jason. The Moonalice angle on April 15 comes from ancient Latvia, where Tipsa Diena is a day to celebrate the ploughing of fields. In modern times, Tipsa Diena is just another day to get ploughed.

According to Moonalice legend, Bissextile Day – or Leap Day, as it is known to the tribe – is too high a holy day to last only 24 hours every four years. The ceremonies typically spill over to March 1, which turns out to be a high holy day of another kind – Beer Day! Distant cousins of the tribe who live in Iceland report that their country re-legalized beer on March 1, 1989 and now celebrates the anniversary. March 1 also happens to be the anniversary of the first day of the Salem Witch Trials, a miscarriage of justice that has been a burr under the saddle of Moonalice tribe members for nearly four hundred years. If you’re having trouble keeping all this straight, you should have been with us at Moe’s Alley, because it all made sense there.

The set list:

According to Moonalice legend, February 29 is the least frequent of all High Holy Days in the Moonalice calendar. The tribe calls it Leap Day, but we discovered that the official name is “Bissextile Day.” Say that out loud. If it doesn’t sound like a concept invented in our lovely city by the bay, then we’re not bass players.

The Rex Foundation was established by Jerry Garcia and the Grateful Dead to provide money to charities and artists who can make small amounts of money go a long way. Rex practices grass roots philanthropy at its best. You can’t get more Moonalice than that.

The set list:

According to Moonalice legend, tribal bands have frequented the Chicago area since the beginning of time. Chicago’s central location was a factor, but legend also speaks loudly about the local hemp. If you don’t believe us, look it up in Wikipedia. The name “Chicago” turns out to be the French rendering of the Miami-Illinois word “shikaakwa,” which metaphorically meant “onions” or “wild leeks.” The literal translation of skikaakwa was “striped skunk.” We’re not making this up. If “striped skunk” is not a reference to the local hemp, then Anna Nicole Smith is not a dead blonde.

Twenty-eight years ago today, in what qualifies as the prehistoric days of the modern Moonalice tribe, Chubby Wombat and Blue went out on their first date. According to Moonalice legend, the Jerry Garcia Band was playing at the University of New Haven gym. On the set list that night was Chuck Berry’s Let It Rock. An explosion of hormones has caused memories of the evening to be sketchy, but both parties recall that it was the beginning of something amazing. Chubby and Blue recall that the air freshener in the UNH gym was overpowering, which may have contributed to a loss of detail, consciousness, etc.

The ten-show Whiter Shade of Frostbite tour concluded in Chicago’s Park West with Moonalice and Tea Leaf Green on stage together for Goin’ Down the Road Feelin’ Bad, with a chorus of 400 audience members shredding their vocal chords. Huge thanks to TLG and its wonderful crew for a great tour.

The set list:

According to Moonalice legend, Indianapolis is near the harmonic center of the tribal universe. Huh? A deep bass groove emanates from the place. It permeates everything. No hills. No dales. Just a deep groove. You don’t believe me? Believe the legend. Check it out for yourself.

Today we sent a big birthday shout out to Simpsons creator Matt Groening and to the leader of the Second American Revolution, Susan B. Anthony.

The set list

According to Moonalice legend, February 14 is one of three hundred sixty-five High Holy Days of the tribal calendar. Among those elevated days, however, February 14 is one of the Most High. In tribal traditional, it is a day for sharing music, hemp products, and hormonal urges among lovers. While there are no tribal rules on the matter, traditional holds that the day generally featured one-on-one, rather than team activities. In some parts of the tribe, it is known as Tee Hee in Teepee Day.

The set list

According to Moonalice legend, the waters of the Licking River near Cincinnati in southern Ohio can make anything float. Upon such small advantages are great fortunes built.

History tells us that a surveyor originally called the place that is now Cincinnati “Losantiville.” They claim Losantiville combines bits of Greek, Roman, French, and English to create a word that means “City on the mouth of the Licking River.” How can Moonalice legend argue with the mouth of the Licking?

The set list:

According to Moonalice legend, most snow in Michigan falls when the temperature is above zero degrees Fahrenheit. While this may not be the most insightful aspect of the legend, it has certainly stood the test of time. It also proved to be correct during the band’s visit to Ann Arbor, when the mercury was solidly in plus territory for the first time on this tour. As a result, heavy snow felt like a blessing!

According to local legend, Ann Arbor was founded by two land speculators, who named the town for their wives. One of them built a saw mill on the site. Local Native Americans saw the mill and said “Kaw Goosh Kaw Nick! Kaw Goosh Kaw Nick!” (We’re not making this up; it’s in Wikipedia.) This is where local legend breaks down and Moonalice legend takes over. The locals thought the Native Americans were mimicking the sound of the saw mill. Moonalice legend knows better. In Moonalice, Kaw Goosh Kaw Nick means, “only a white man would saw lumber instead of growing hemp or playing bass!”

TLG’s Reed Mathis requested and then played bass on People’s Parties.

February 12, 2008
Fan Mail from Everest Moonalice

For the record, Everest Moonalice appeared first at the Fillmore concert way back in '08, claiming his name derived from having the "highest point of view." Others believed it was the "snow on the mountain" that made it seem right, as Everest's crown of white locks could be seen well, even in the dimly lit corners of the divey bars in which Moonalice Band was known to perform. Everest was frequently heard muttering terms like "absolute synchronization" and "induced-synasthesia" and The Future of Music. Even when the spaceships came to take him away, Everest was reluctant to leave until he was sure he could hyperlink himself back to the present anytime he wanted.

The set list:

According to Moonalice legend, the city of Milwaukee is located on the site of the Upper Midwest Pow-wow of the Moonalice tribe, a pow-wow that dates back a couple of millennia. Traditional history claims that the city got its name from either the Algonquin (“Good Land”), the Pottawotami (“Place Near Water”), or the Ojibwe (“Pleasant Land”), but Moonalice legend knows better. Way better. In Moonalice, the word “Milwaukee” means, “beer is better with hemp.” To the surprise of no one, the audience confirmed the legend.

The temperatures in the upper Midwest this week have been at or below zero – before wind chill. No matter. Every show on this tour has been awesome. The exclamation point on a great evening in Milwaukee came when TLG’s Trevor Garrod and Josh Clark joined us on stage for Goin’ Down the Road Feelin’ Bad.

The set list:

According to Moonalice legend, George Stevens, the man who founded Stevens Point, Wisconsin was a chief in the local Moonalice tribe. Ol’ George was a saloon-keeper of great repute. His four saloons were the centerpiece of the town from its earliest days. George’s insistence on serving whiskey by the pint was the stuff of local legend and formed the basis for the town’s name. Steven’s Pint didn’t become Steven’s Point until the spirit of prohibition reared its ugly head. But this is only half the story. As usual, Moonalice legend has the rest. George Stevens didn’t just serve whiskey. Duh. His back rooms dispensed tons of Medical Hemp products. As any chef will tell you, “a pint’s a pound the world around.” The minimum quantity on offer was a pint of George’s hemp, and the locals were known to stand around for days, both before and after purchase.

It was a gazillion degrees below zero in Stevens Point, but not in the University Center. Everyone there was nice and toasty!

The set list:

According to Moonalice legend, size matters differently than you think. Big can be good, no question. But small has its place. History attributes the name Minneapolis to the community’s first school teacher, who is said to have combined the Dakota word for water with the Greek word for city. Nice try. Way before the white man got to there, Moonalice tribe members inhabited the region. We consulted our trusty Moonalice-to-English dictionary and discovered that the Moonalice word “minne” actually means “small bag of hemp”. Now ask yourself which explanation is more likely: City of Water or City of Small Bags of Hemp? To us, the answer is obvious.

The gig at the Cabooze added once again to Moonalice legend. In the hours before the show, Chubby Wombat came down with a stomach flu and was losing it from both ends. Fortunately, a busload of nurses from the Mayo Clinic came to the show. They administered CPR, sensual massage and all the other treatments for stomach flu. The nurses saved the day, the show went on, and went so well that the audience demanded (and got) an encore from us as the opening act. Minneapolis rules!

The set list

According to Moonalice legend, the famed ballplayer-turned-evangelist Billy Sunday was not a member of the tribe. Well, duh. Billy was a big time proponent of Prohibition. Obviously not a Moonalice. But Billy hailed from Ames, Iowa, which is the home of Iowa State University and birthplace of Peter Schickele, PDQ Bach. We’ve never met Mr. Bach, but we’ve heard his music. It positively reeks of Moonalice.

Moonalice legend also holds that quality control is of paramount importance. The tribe has long believed in the power of testing its products, often at the gatherings known as gigs. In the years since the prohibition of hemp, the tribe has sought to diversify its testing services. We discovered that tribe members in Ames are part of that diversification. Ames is home to the National Animal Disease Center, where “all American Mad Cow Disease samples are tested, among other things.” Moonalice tribe members know what those “other things” are. Everyone knows that the best way to mollify a grumpy cow is to feed her some prime hemp buds. Works every time.

The band’s journey to Ames is a new chapter in the legend . . . or a possible sequel to Spinal Tap. We left Davenport after the gig in a bus with no snow tires and a driver from Florida who didn’t like winter driving. We got on Highway 80, went a couple miles and stopped. Black ice. The driver didn’t want to go on. We pulled off the road in the lovely town of Walcott and spent the night at a Day’s Inn. By the time we got to Ames – only 193 miles from Davenport – it was 3:30 the following afternoon. Tea Leaf Green, which left Davenport twelve hours after we did, arrived only five minutes behind us. It didn’t matter. The gig was awesome.

The set list:

According to Moonalice legend, it always snows in Davenport. We don’t whether it is the influence of the Big River or Highway 61, but every time we go to Davenport Highway 80 is a hockey rink with white powder on top. Whatever their impact in winter, the Mississippi and Highway 61 are the foundation of the long and magical musical history of Davenport. According to Wikipedia, “Davenport was founded in 1836 by Antoine LeClaire and named after his friend Colonel George Davenport after a singing of a peace treaty ending the Black Hawk War.” Singing a peace treaty. What a beautiful notion. No wonder we like Davenport so much.

The set list:

According to Moonalice legend, January 12 is Amos and Andy Day. The original radio show began this day in 1928, with two white guys impersonating a whole lot of black people. We don’t pretend to understand the significance of Amos and Andy Day, but thought we would pass it along in the interest of the legend.

During our stay in Girdwood, we consulted a Moonalice-to-English dictionary and learned that the definition of Alyeska (in Moonalice) is “huge pile of white stuff; spending time there will get you high.” We don’t pretend to understand the significance of this either. That said, Girdwood is as nice a place as we have ever been and the fans there cannot be beat!

The set list:

According to Moonalice legend, altitude is positively correlated with fun. Over the centuries, tribe members have discovered many ways to gain altitude. The also discovered that combining virtual and physical altitude enhancements is a particularly powerful driver of the fun meter. Experiments in applied altitude enhancement were widely evident at the Sitzmark on this Friday night in January.

Browsing through the Moonalice legend archives, we discovered that January 11 was a momentous date in the history of the tribe. In 1913, Hudson introduced the first automobile with a hard top. Why was this introduction such a big deal? Have you ever tried to light a smoke in a fast moving convertible? Hard tops also produced a very desirable increase in back seat privacy, which led to the discovery of the drive-in and lover’s lane. Hudson changed the course of civilization with this innovation.

The set list:

According to Moonalice legend, January 9 was an historic day for the tribe. History shows that on January 9, 1793, a Frenchman named Jean-Pierre Blanchard attempted the first hot air balloon launch in America. The event occurred in Philadelphia and it was an A-list party. In attendance were President George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Henry Clay and Paul Revere, among others. The day was a huge success, as Blanchard took off, floated a mile in the air and then fifteen miles downwind, landing in New Jersey.

It has been widely reported that prior to Jean-Pierre’s take-off, President Washington passed something to the would-be balloonist. The history books suggest that Washington gave Blanchard a note to show people he met upon landing, just in case they thought he was from outer space. That didn’t sound credible to us, so we consulted Moonalice legend. Naturally, we found the full story.

Anyone who has seen the movie National Treasure knows that Washington, Jefferson, Adams, et al were members of the Masons. What they don’t know is that these patriots were also members of the Moonalice tribe. Washington was an enormously successful hemp farmer in Virginia, and well known for the quality of his product. Moonalice legend reveals that what Washington gave Blanchard was a tightly rolled hemp product. He was reported to have said, “Yo Jean-Pierre! If you’re going to be a mile high, you might as well be eight miles high! Happy landings!!”

The set list:

According to Moonalice legend, Anchorage was the northern outpost of the Pacific hemp trade in the late 18th century. Apparently there is an untold chapter of Captain James Cook’s third voyage of exploration, during which the good captain sailed north from Tahiti to Alaska. He came up the inlet to what is now Anchorage and dropped anchor. What the history books don’t reveal is whether Captain Cook sold a major cargo of Tahitian hemp to the natives he met in Anchorage ... or whether the captain sampled some of the cargo. We believe the evidence suggests that both are correct. Why? Captain Cook, who was the finest seaman and mapmaker of his generation, mistook the inlet (which is salt water) for a river (which is fresh). Moonalice legend suggests that the captain had to be buzzed to make a mistake like that. Then Captain Cook went to Hawaii, where a different group of natives killed him for reasons that remain shrouded in the fog of history. We’ll leave exploration of that part of the legend until the band goes to Hawaii.

The band’s first gig of 2008 was in a theater attached to Anchorage’s city library. It was a beautiful winter evening … almost all day long. The sun came up around 10:30 in the morning and set around 4pm. Talk about rock ‘n’ roll hours!

The set list: